crotchetyoldmancallsfandomcom-20200214-history
Smelly Cab
Smelly Cab is the thirty-third prank call in the Crotchety Old Man Calls. Transcript (ringback tone) Joanne: 'Thanks for calling Yellow, this is Joanne. '''Milton: '''Oh, thank God you've answered! Let me speak to some lugnut! I've got a complaint to file! '''Joanne: '''Excuse me? '''Milton: '''I said let me speak to somebody in authority! I've got a complaint to file! '''Joanne: '''Just a moment, now... '''Milton: '''What part of complaint don't you understand?! ''(chatter in background on other line) 'Joanne: '''You wish to speak to someone, ma'am? '''Milton: '''I'm a sir! My name is Milton Fludgecow and I need to file a complaint! I'm in the hospital right now because of you people! ''(chatter in background) 'Joanne: '...hold on, please. (ringback tone) 'Joanne: '''Hold on, I'm gonna have to transfer you to another office... '''Milton: '''Geez Louise! '''Joanne: '''Please calm down! ''(ringback tone) '''Man: '''Hello? '''Milton: '''Who the hell is this? '''Man: '''I don't know. Who the hell are you? '''Milton: '''My name is Milton Fludgecow and I have a complaint to file! '''Man: '''Why are you hollering at me? '''Milton: '''I'm in the hospital right now and I'm in some kind of a tent- it's making all kinds of noise- so I feel like I have to raise my voice for you to hear me! '''Man: '''Oh, okay. '''Milton: '''I was in one of your taxis yesterday. While I was in the cab, I became very close to asphyxiation because the driver smelled so bad! I have never, ever, ever smelled a more horrid, rotten human stench in my life! I don't think this individual showered for like three or four months! ''(stammers) ''As I was leaving the cab and paying the fare, which I shouldn't have done in the first place, I collapsed, passed out from the stench- hit my head on a fire plug on the side of the road! '''Man: '''Where was this-where'd he pick you up at? '''Milton: '''Next to the tree! '''Man: '''What- '''Milton: '''As he pulled away, I bashed my head on the fire plug- lights out! Unconscious! Woke up in the hospital! I got twenty-nine stitches in my head, I got a fractured skull, myocardial infarctulation or something, I got an impacted number 4 and number 5 vertebrae, I got a detached retina, and simple chronic halitosis and gingivitis or something to that effect! '''Man: '''Okay. Did you see the cab number? '''Milton: '''Yes! 127 or 129 or...ninety...five, I-I don't remember because I'm still having horrible pains in my head! '''Man: '''Did you wave him down or did you call for a cab? '''Milton: '''I waved him down...I was in the cab for, like, three seconds when the blast wave hit me! Do you encourage your drivers to clean themselves? '''Man: '''Of course we do, but I have to know...I have to have more information or I'll never find out who the driver is. '''Milton: '''He had, like, brownish hair...Just start sniffing all your guys! He's the one that'll peel the paint off the walls! And he had brown hair! Oh! And he smells like a rotten turd! '''Man: '''And where did he take you to? '''Milton: '''He took me down the street- by the mailbox- is where he dropped me off, and that's where I hit my head on the fire plug! Next to the tree! On the corner! '''Man: ''(sighs) And... '''Milton: '''Now, I'm supposed to be released from the hospital later today and I'm coming down to pick up a check for my medical expenses! '''Man: '''Not from me, you're not. '''Milton: '''Yes, I-what do mean I'm not?! Yes, I am! '''Man: '''No, sir. '''Milton: '''Yes, I am! My bills are right now totaling close to $37,000! '''Man: '''Goodbye. ''(man hangs up) (ringback tone) '''Milton: '''Hello?! Hello?! Trivia *"Yellow" is short for the Yellow Cab Company, which is a Chicago based taxi corporation known for it's familiar yellow taxi cabs. Category:Prank calls